For you have been my hope, Oh Sovereign Lord...

... my confidence since my youth. -Psalm 71:5

It's really easy when you're teaching to attribute other people's successes and failures to your own self-worth. At least it's easy for me. When students don't do well, it's because I'm probably not cut out for this after all. When they do a great job, it's because I'm the best thing since the hula hoop.

I've been on a roller coaster with this lately! My students are struggling in math. I've always had a hard time with math, but that's also why I've been working super hard in teaching it. Try as I might, though, I can't always explain things perfectly or present information in the most sensible ways. I can definitely see my own struggles reflected in their work.

Well, boy oh boy have I been throwing myself an inner LilyBashing party. And I've had all the thoughts I shouldn't have:

-Ugh, Lil, you're never gonna be good at this.
-Way to go! You've just caused 21 bright young minds to hate math the way you always did!
-Welp. May as well not put in so much effort because it's not like it's gonna work anyway.


Of course I typically talk myself out of many of the logical thoughts, like:

-It's okay. You've never taught 3rd grade before or used this curriculum.
-The kids actually are getting it; it's just taking a little longer than usual.
-The longer you do this, the better you get. Think how good you'll be in a couple years!

Or even the true thought:

-You know, you're actually not half-bad. Look at how well that one student is catching on these days... You're definitely connecting with some of these guys! 

And in the heat of the moment, who likes to be "humbled"?? Who wants to "learn" from their mistakes and "reflect" so they can "improve?" Ew. 

It's been a struggle. But God is teaching me how much to rely on Him for even the smallest things! I mean, why in the world should the Lord of the universe care where my heart is when I try to teach a bunch of 8 year olds how to order fractions?? But I believe He does.

Equipped with what I know to be true because of what I've read in His Word, I am constantly learning how to take a deep breath and tell myself, "God, you are my confidence. I'm never without you. You completely give me everything I need to do what it is you want me to do."

And it is getting better! Today it went so well... And I thank the Lord for putting me through this time. I'm learning how to just do what I can to serve, rather than being so concerned with my own feelings all the time.

I know where my confidence lies, and every day I'm being taught how to live that knowledge.

Shoot, if I had to rely on my own math abilities to get me through the days, I'd have given up on life in 4th grade.

Relying on our perfect God... now that works!





In other news, I'm still absolutely loving it. My kids crack me up... There's never a dull moment. I start solo-teaching on Friday and that continues through April 12th.

We're going to have FUN :)

My Brain is Like Oobleck

Ahhhh. This has been one of those long weeks. Don't get me wrong, I'm still absolutely loving what I'm doing. But this was just one of those weeks when Monday truly seems like at least a decade ago. I'm trying to remember what we did Monday, and I have NO clue. None atall.

Hence the title of the post. If you haven't read Dr. Seuss's Bartholomew and the Oobleck, you need to. It's about a king who wants a new form of precipitation and his magicians end up conjuring up this horrible gooey mess that falls from the sky in such abundance that everyone and everything gets stuck in it.

My brain has degenerated into Oobleck for now. I think it needs some barbeque and junky television to perk it back up. So when I'm done here, I'm going to cook out with Jillian's family. Yay!!

Next week, I have to have a 2 week long, highly detailed plan for solo teaching completed. This thing is going to be a least 30 pages long! I also have to have a pretty in-depth unit on Matter completed. These assingments are actually useful. It's going to really help me out to have all of this stuff pre-planned. It's just a ton to do for now. God is showing me how to take it day by day and do the work I can do without stressing myself for no reason.

I have discovered that I am a workaholic! Last week was our week off, and it drove me crazy because I didn't feel like I had enough to do. So, I was getting everything I could possibly get done ahead of time and even creating more work for myself in the process. I guess it kind of just felt like I was maintaining control of everything and being on top of my stuff.

So, in the middle of this week of relaxation, I was reading some Psalms. One night, as I was reading, the half of my brain that was totally disengaged was conjuring up tasks for me to do. I was subconsiously making lists of things I could be doing whilst reading Bible. Not one of my better moments.

Then, in the perfect timing that only a perfect God can coordinate, I came across this little jewel:

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-- for he grants sleep to those he loves. -- Psalm 127: 1-2

Wowzer!!!!

It was like God pulled up a chair in front of me and said, "Uh, hey Lil. I'm glad you're all zealous and stuff, but put the work you're doing in perspective for a second. Do my work... I've got enough for you. Just spend some time resting in my grace."

I. Love. It.

And this week I've needed that so many times!! There's just so much to do that I can easily put student teaching ahead of spending time with the good old J.C.

I have so much more to say about this topic and other things, but it's time for me to go get my grub on! Woohoo!!

What I've Been Up To

Gosh, I've been SO busy and student-teaching is flying by!!

I'm on a productivity high because I just finished my monstrous Long Range Plan, so I'll do a quick blog to let you know what's been going on lately....

I taught a really fun lesson to introduce fractions. I introduced it by talking about my addiction to Diet Coke. I brought in a 12 pack and we came up with fractions about how much I drink. Then the class made up fractions about groups of students. And then I surprised them with a cake. They couldn't get it until they figured out the problem "When I have 1/8 of it, I have 3 pieces. How many pieces are in the whole?" We worked it out visually, and in groups, and eventually they got it. They were all SO happy when I brought out the cake. I mean like, they cheered like I was giving them a million bucks. Precious. Then I cut it and we talked about fractions as I cut. We all enjoyed our 1/24 of the cake. :)

My teacher and I are still getting along super well. She's an awesome leader and I learn a ton from her everyday. One of her strengths is working with children who some consider to be problems. She's a master at having conversations with them to change their behavior instead of giving them unrelated punishments. I love to sit in on her talks anyone gets in trouble because she is awesome. She makes the students realize they are accountable for their behavior, but also helps them think of better options to have their needs met in the future. I'm taking notes!

She also jumps in any time I'm teaching and I need some help. I wasn't doing such a good job with equivalent fractions today... Well, I just wasn't breaking it down enough. She popped right in and made it clear as day.

This week we're introducing the American Revolution. We started the day telling the students they could receive tickets for good behavior (lie) and that they could use their tickets to buy stuff at the Jones/Stanton store (lie). Needless to say, they were chomping at the bit for tickets. We gave them out liberally. At the end of the day, we chose a student to be King and 3 students to be tax collectors. The King/tax collectors came up with taxes for the class. The taxes were things like- 1 ticket if you're a girl, 2 tickets if you're wearing jeans, 1 ticket if you have brown hair, etc. The students were FURIOUS when they started having their tickets taken away. And if that was bad, you should have seen how they acted when they had to be put in jail for not having enough money to pay their "taxes." They practically rioted. This was all exactly as planned. We wanted them to understand the anger the colonists were feeling after the French and Indian War, and we wanted them to understand the concept of rebellion. Well, this simulation covered both of those things. We got to have a great discussion connecting our feelings with the colonists' and what not. (PS, all of this was all Jones' stuff. I take no credit!)

Tomorrow I'm teaching about the Stamp Act, Tea Act, and Intolerable Acts. We're going to talk in English accents.

Friday we're going to do an exercise on writing conventions in which we write letters to the girl I sponsor in Guatemala.

I'm having so much fun! :)

First Full Week Completed!

Ah, I've made it through a whole week. Well, I shouldn't say I've made it through. I should say I've gotten to enjoy a whole week student teaching. Because really, that's how it's been! I've loved it! Getting to know the kids is a ton of fun. Children really are so multidimensional. There's so much to learn about each of them... And it's amazing how when you spend enough time with them, you actually can remember tiny details.

My cooperating teacher continues to be amazingly supportive. She gives me control of the class during morning meeting every day and during the end of the daily math lesson. Next week I take over teaching math, which will mean that the whole class will be mine from the time they walk in until 11! Yes, that's scary. However, I'm very glad that my teacher is willing to let me jump right in so early because that truly is the only way for me to learn.

I can feel the stress monster rearing its ugly head deep down inside, but I'm praying a lot and hoping to keep it at a healthy level. A little bit of stress keeps me motivated and moving. Too much stress paralyzes me and makes all my work low quality.

Hmmm... Other things I want to tell about this week...

On Fridays I only have 12 students because the rest go to the gifted and talented program. So I taught them about Freedom Quilts (Thanks to Emily, who gave me the idea!!). They were so interested in them! We made our own freedom quilt squares and I used them to decorate the door for the Black History Month door decorating contest. It sure would be fun if we won!

I think the students are really starting to accept me as their other REAL teacher and not just some young lady who helps out! This is huge, and if you're student teaching too then you know that. Sometimes they come to ME to ask a question before they even go to my cooperating teacher. Yayyyy!

My cooperating teacher is just so helpful. And she's helpful in a lot of different ways. Not only does she give me thorough, specific instructional and management advice, she also keeps me laughing throughout the day. There's never a dull moment with her. She's hysterical, very intelligent, and quite competent in her job. I'm so grateful to learn from her!

Make no mistake-- This is exhausting. It's 8:48 on a Friday night and the idea of being anywhere but in bed wearing sweatpants sounds horrendous to me. It's so worth it, though... I really am loving it!

I just hope and pray that when I actually do start teaching, I keep this optimistic, naive attitude I have now. I am too young to be jaded and I intend to stay un-jaded as long as possible. :)

Student Teaching Beginnings

So far, student teaching is going great! My cooperating teacher is supportive and gives thorough, constructive advice. There is no way I can explain how important that is! I need every bit I can get because I want to be totally prepared as I assume more responsibilities.

Next week I take over teaching math. They follow the Everyday Math curriculum, which is a solid program that makes it easier for teachers to follow.

I'm working hard on establishing myself as an authority in the classroom (and not just a "fake" teacher). This is hard for me because I don't have a very authoritative personality. I'm learning, though.

Funny story: Yesterday was the hundredth day of school. I talked to them about inventions that were not around 100 years ago, like Lucky Charms, wrenches, stethoscopes, cell phones, and other interesting ones. Then we thought about things that may be around in 2112 that are not around now. I asked them to do a quick pencil sketch of something that they believe may be invented in the next 100 years.

One sweet girl drew and labeled "HAMBURGER."

I'm loving every minute of it!!

I guess I'll just have to do short little posts like this when I can, because there are not enough hours in the day!

Father Abraham Prevents a Fist Fight

We visited the local nursing home while we were in Monjas. First off, let me say that I would never put anyone I love there. It needs serious work and updating, and the elderly of Monjas deserve SO much better. Besides the fact that the concrete walls and faded paint make it completely visually unappealing, the residents also have to live about 10 or so to a room (in beds that look like dorm beds) and it didn't look like it was sufficiently medically equipped at all. It's run completely on donations and the workers volunteer. They're saints.

The old ladies were ready to greet us at the door. In Guatemala, or at least in Monjas, the elderly ladies don't just greet you with a kiss-- they kind of give you a strawberry behind your ear. It's cute and hilarious. So after a few strawberries, we went into the main room where everyone was gathering.

Then Rosita came in.

Oh my heavens you've never seen anyone so cute.

3'10". TOPS. 90 lbs sopping wet with bricks in her pockets. Probably 231 years old or thereabouts.

When she sat in the chair her feet were miles from the ground and when she hugged us we bent in half to reach her.

She wore a purple skirt, a pink cardigan, and her hair was long and pulled back into a bun. Also she had on glasses that covered over half of her face.

Imagine you could buy 2 liter glass coke bottles. Imagine you took the bottom of those bottles and put frames around them and wore them as glasses. That's Rosita.

Really though this post isn't totally about Rosita. Them old people was crazy. This is about the whole very funny experience.

So Rosita sits down in her chair as a part of the audience, and an old man sits behind her and says he can't see. As Rosita tries to ask him if he'd like her to move, he proceeds to push her chair forward in an attempt to dump her tiny body out of it, all the while complaining about how she's constantly in the way. Luckily, Victor caught the dump in the nick of time and then caught Rosita in the nick of time. He sat her back down in her chair much like someone sits a baby in a high chair.

Well that old man ended up moving and he sat down by another old man. We'll call them Juan and Tomas just to make it easier to tell. Then we started introducing ourselves. I said, "Hello. We're students from the United States."

Tomas: "USA. We are friends of the USA!"

"We're very glad to be here to meet all..."

Tomas: "Glad you are here, yes, United States" and just generally talking along in agreement to what I was saying.

Juan to Tomas: "DO YOU EVER SHUT UP? IT'S BEEN A THOUSAND YEARS SINCE I'VE HEARD YOU SHUT UP! THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO TALK HERE AND YOU WON'T SHUT UP."

Poor little Tomas just couldn't take getting yelled at for very long and things started to escalate, with Juan standing up and the voices getting louder and louder until Victor caught my eye, and with a mixed look of terror and amusement whispered, "Just start singing! They're really about to fight!"


So we burst into a chorus of Father Abraham, that old Bible School classic, and all was well.


And then Rosita sang us her favorite song just because she wanted to and then so did another lady and then so did Tomas. Our kind-hearted translator had to pretend he knew exactly what they were singing about because they kind of sounded like they were wailing in gibberish, but it was beautiful and precious!

Excerpts from Day 2 Journal Entry

" After lunch we went to the orphanage! The girls divided by house and welcomed us with a chant. I got to hold the new baby, Lilla! It was kind of awkward at first with the girls, but we warmed up to each other fast. Next, we watched some of them to a tae-kwon do performance! They filed in to the Rocky theme and each did a cool kick thing. The whole thing was hilarious. After they did all their individual stuff, they actually fought! One girl was no older than 5, so she couldn't do much, but she's adorable. During the fights, the men joked around and offered to pay the judges to pick their chosen winner.
     When it was done I tried to strike up conversation and a super sweet girl named Jennifer talked to me. (Victor helped translate.) She was so nice and encouraging, which makes me want to try and speak more.
     After that we went on a tour of Monjas. We saw the cemetery, where all the graves were colorfully decorated. Then the dump. Some families were there collecting stuff to use and sell. :( The road had dogs, pigs, ducks, cows, roosters, chickens, and just about everything else. I loved that.
     We went to the transition home afterwards. (This is where the 17 & 18 year old girls from Shadow of His Wings live.) We made necklaces and did a spa night. I want so much to be able to fully talk to the girls, but I'm so thankful for the communication we had. The girls (and us) thought it was hysterical when Tom, Walter, and Santiago got face masks and manicures.
     The house parents have a 3 year old son named Esteban. When I asked him his name, he said "Spiderman." Then he put on a Spiderman suit. Precious.
   
     After team devotion that night, we paired up to pray. I paired up with Victor (our translator.) He started his prayer with "Papito Dios," which is like saying "Daddy God." I know his relationship with God is intimate b/c the light of the Lord shines brightly through Victor! His amazingly positive attitude is only outmatched by his steadfast work ethic.

     Oh, and I forgot to say that at lunch we made homemade guacamole with fresh avacadoes."

VBS in Monjas

•    So, on Sunday, we drove up to the mountain community and passed out invitations for VBS. We had to walk up to strangers’ houses, which was scary for me. 
• We were separated in 3 groups... In one of the other groups, 2 little girls received the invitation and started HUGGING and JUMPING UP AND DOWN because they were so excited. (VBS used to happen here but it hasn't in the past few years.) Gah, I wish I would have seen that! 
• VBS was held in a little one-room church that the James Project had helped plant a few years back. There were about 50 or 60 kids each day. 
• Monday we talked about how God listens to us and we read a Psalm and painted reminder rocks with the kids. 
• Tuesday we talked about how we need to listen to God and we acted out the story of Jonah and the fish and made pipe cleaner fish. 
• Wednesday we told the story of Jesus dying on the cross and made Juan 3:16 bracelets. 

NNo, the crafts we made were not special or fancy by any means. But those little angels took their time and worked hard on them! Tell an American kid to put beads on a pipe cleaner and bend it to look like a fish and he'll ask you when it's time for snack. I mean, I vividly remember thinking that the best part of VBS by far was those ring cookies that you could put on your fingers. 

And they played! They played and played without reservation. Whether they were 5 or 12, girl or boy, they didn't care. They wanted to have fun and enjoy themselves. It made my heart very glad to see children still being children. I hate when little ones think they're too grown to be kids. A lot of children I know are so hurried now. They want to look like adults and act like adults and it breaks my heart. So I praised God when I saw the older boys and girls singing the song and actively doing the motions to the song about the Frog who has a Frog friend who has a friend named Jesus. 

It reminded me of camp worship! Because basically, for 3 days straight, we got to do worship with a stinking hot room full of kids! And I wanted to tell them a thousand million zillion times how much God loves them and how very valuable they are. 

Funny Story

When we made the Juan 3:16 bracelets, one boy, probably about 5 years old, asked me to write his little brother's name for him. We'll call the big brother Herman. I asked Herman what his little brother's name was and he said Guillermo. Or at least that's how I think it's spelled. So, I wrote Guillermo on the bracelet. Herman took it from my hand, looked at it, and laughed. I said, "No correcto?" He shook his head, giggled, handed it to Guillermo, and said, "Ingles, hermano. Ingles." 

Also Guillermo wiped at least 16 boogers on me earlier in the day. 

Shadow of His Wings and Monjas 2012

If I’ve ever told you a story, then you know I tell it as the information comes to my mind, and not necessarily in any logical order. It’s a pretty good reflection of the general disarray of my scattered brain. Keep in mind that I am starting this while my brother is teaching himself the piano in the other room, my dog is whining at the squirrels in our attic, and the TV is on nearby. Oh, and I just realized the Star Wars theme is quietly humming in the speakers of the computer. That's off now. Bear with me. Soooooo, that being said, I think I’ll just start telling about Guatemala by using my old friends, bullet points.

·         Seeing Monjas showed me one promise I want to make to myself: that I’ll never believe I need anything that I don’t. I’ve never seen poverty like that before in my life, and I’ve seen poverty. Most of the people there don’t have running water and many of the houses I saw had dirt floors. They smelled awful. They had walls of tin or cardboard. They lived with their chickens and their dogs, that I’m positive had no shots. One house sat by a small river of sewage. One had exposed electrical wires everywhere… in a house where children lived. My college dorm room looks like a palace now.

·         We delivered food baskets to about 10 families, which is how I got to see so many houses. First of all, know that money goes on forever there because everything is so cheap. For $50 a basket, money that amazing people had generously donated to our team, we were able to purchase several pounds of rice and beans, 3 bags of flour, tomatoes, pineapples, consume, toilet paper, candy (for the kids), oil, a flat of eggs, and a TON more for each family. Once we had spent that money, we wondered how on Earth we were going to spend the rest. One American dollar equals about 8 Quetzales, so we had to get creative.

·         We ended up stumbling upon a house where the mother used to work for our translator. We got talking to the dad and he told us we couldn’t have come at a better time. He was out of steady work, but he really wanted to build a room for his 7 year old daughter before the rainy season. The main room in their house floods in the rain and he wanted a place for her to stay dry. So, we were able to buy him the building supplies he needed to get the project done.

o   He invited us to have chicken soup at his house one day. No thank you, kind sir.

o   He also told us that since Monjas is so rural, and his house is even in the rural part of Monjas, the international community is from whom they receive most of their help. They’re kind of forgotten.

·         Hmmmm… I’ll get back to food baskets later. My mind wants to talk about Vacation Bible School now. Eeeeek!